Posted on Behalf of Merissa

The author in Caroline/Tennessee faced her dragon by realizing that she was making all the wrong decisions in her relationship and she was continuing the endless cycle of heartache in her relationship. She then made the decision not go back there again and she would rather die instead. Jenny Boully in “I remained very sorry for what I did to the black kitten” faced her dragon by being open and honest with her feelings. She talked about her wrongdoing which is very hard to write about as a writer Lisa Nikolidakis in Landlines talked about the confusion that most teenagers go through in their young years. I believe she faced her dragon by being raw and open in her emotions. This was a very sensitive topic and she was able to talk about that without revealing anything about herself.

I remain sorry for what I did to the little black kitten faces a dragon by confronting guilt in this story. Guilt for getting rid of a kitten that she is always reminded of. She basically has to live with what she did wrong knowing that it is nothing she can do to take it back. Talking about her guilt her help her move forward in life and not looking back at what she had done wrong. The guilt was eating her alive in this story.
Carolina/ Tennessee was probably my favorite one out of the three. She faces the dragon by talking about being in an affair with a married man. Although Ive personally never been in this situation you can tell that it was hard for her to stop. Being the mistress isn't easy at all and it seems like the guy had some type of control over her as if she had to, like answering his calls "I watched the small black letters of your name thrash against my cell phone screen. I watched my finger, in acceptance, slide across the slick glass. How far I was willing to go—back over the Blue Ridge, almost the entire way home." this shows that although she knew it was wrong she just had to accept the call. She needs to learn people only do what you allow them to. This story seems the most relatable, ive heard many stories about this.
Landlines faced the dragons also, too, about guilt about a little girl leading a man on when she knows it isn't right. It seems like she calls him a stalker yet she entertains him and a part of me feels like he turns her on in a weird way towards the ending of this story it seems like she wanted the call to be from Stevie (private call). She played with his mind and although she seems like the victim I think she plays a part in this game as well. She was guilty yet just an innocent little girl.

Extra Credit

All three stories are examples of the author "facing the dragon."  All the stories subject matter are tough subjects for the authors to speak out about without directly saying what they were feeling.  The running theme in these choices of writing is guilt;  in each story the authors write about a great sense of guilt for their actions.

In "Landlines" the author writes about a creep pedophile who stalked and preyed on teenage girls at the mall however the author takes responsibility for the interaction between Stevie the pedophile because the game she would play with her clique of girl friends.  When Stevie then contacts her at her home land-line she overwhelmed with fear and guilt.  I think the topic might have been hard for the author to face but I think the story is more then just her guilt of interacting with Stevie.  I also think the story is the naivety of teenage girls and the pressures adolescents place on each other to be cool.  I think this was expressed a lot in the line, "We didn't want to be virgins, so we feigned a loose coolness about sex, and in those moments when we listened to Stevie describe his always-hard penis, we also looked at one another closely, a who'll-flinch-first test teen girls are terrifyingly good at."

"I remain very sorry for what I did to the little black cat" is very straight forward about the guilt expressed in the story.  The delicate word choices used to describe the innocence of the kitten made the guilt felt by the author so much more powerful.  However, the story is so much more then the unethically thing this girl did to the kitten.  A quickly developing  preteen mimicking what she once saw, but was not supposed to remember, her mother do to the family cat.  The dragon faced here is a flash back of woman recalling unresolved emotions of being a young girl dealing with her once present but now absent mother.

"Carolina/ Tennessee" is the classic remorse, guilt, shame and emptiness felt by being the "other woman" in a married man's affair.  She never writes straight forward that she saddened and ashamed but the details in her actions described reveals the dragon she is really facing by carrying on this affair and I think the last line of the story sums it but very well, " I'm not going to Newport. Instead, I'll sit here until my cigarette ash sinks through my skit, smolders and lights, burns me up under this tree in South Carolina, until I am nothing but char on the bark."

Extra Credit

I feel that all three pieces from Brevity are great examples of "facing their dragons". My favorite was "I Remain Very Sorry For What I Did to the Little Black Cat". I feel like she is confronting what she did to the cat as a child but not trying to make excuses or asking for simpathy. Her use of details is great. The way she describes the cat as something innocent after brung to light what she had done to it as something dark. The last line had me. I love how she brings us to the present and shows us how that cat still haunts her.

"Landlines" was my second favorite because it was something that I Luke some what relate to. I love the use of words. Like when she says "I stared at the single word on the caller ID, private, and I let it ring and ring as I choked on that word, private,". I felt what she was feeling. I pulled me in just like many other of her words did. She definitely faced her "dragons" in this piece. 

"Carolina/ Tennessee" was great also. I love the power pull between knowing she was doing something wrong but not wanting to give up the pleasure she received. I love the images she describe. Like the black bumblebee on the windshield and the auburn hair woven into the pillowcase. I feel she faces her "dragons" in the end by sitting there letting the cigarette burn out. 

Extra Credit

Chrissy Dente

CNF extra credit

Carolina/Tennessee by Anna B. Sutton is a great example on how authors “face their dragon.” In this piece, the author writes about her love affair with a married man. When you are the “other woman” it’s hard to open up and admit that you are possibly ruining a marriage. The author makes it clear that she feels guilty about the man that she has been sleeping with is married; it’s hard in general to point out the things we are guilty about. This situation can also be shaming and embarrassing for the author, knowing she is used for sexual attention, since the man goes home to his wife instead of her. It’s a lust relationship, which is often frowned upon in society. The author addresses all of these dragons: the lust, the wife, and the guilt. She does so sorrowfully and regretfully. Another dragon she faces is the places they meet up, thanks to their lustful relationship. It’s any place and any time, as long as she has it. To truly face her dragons, she moves away. Distance should cure all. She admits diving into his temptation when he calls her two months later, but she defeats her dragon by not continuing her journey to meet him.

            I really liked this piece because I feel like it can be relatable to some people. It’s a real life situation; people often get caught up in lust and don’t always deal with the consequences, but this author does. I admire that she faced her dragons. By her facing her dragons, all of the aspects of this relationship that are completely wrong, she is able to say goodbye. Facing her dragons allowed her to stop all the problems she avoided. She freed herself from the dragons.

            I Remain Very Sorry for What I Did to That Little Black Kitten also shows the dragon of guilt. The author brings up throwing away the kitten, which seems crude and cruel, and how she feels guilty. She remembers this when her daughter brings it up. By her facing this dragon, she has to face that what she did was wrong, and she cannot change it. She was at a tough age, where image mattered. If only she didn’t care about what others thought and she would not have to live with the guilt. Speaking up about an embarrassing moment of immature guilt can hopefully help her move past this event and not be struck by guilt anymore. 

            Landlines also deals with guilt. I feel like each of this pieces that we read deal with the authors facing an embarrassing moment in their life that they feel guilty about. The author in this piece felt wrong for leading a man on like that at such a young age. Yes, her and her friend knew it was wrong and gross, but continued to lead the man on because it was fun and interesting. The guilt arises when Stevie actually finds the author. How do you tell your parents your stalker is a creepy man you would talk to on the phone at the mall? She felt guilty about her actions and this piece of writing makes her face her dragons. She has to face the fact that she was young and naïve, and made a bad decision. She was also very scared. The author faces the guilt because she feels stupid about the decisions she made as a young girl. 

Extra Credit Blog

I think all three selections from Brevity face their authors' dragons of guilt.  "Landlines" contains other themes as well, and the guilt is more subtle, but I do believe it is there.  Each one is, however, different.

"I Remain Very Sorry For What I Did to the Little Black Kitten" explores themes of responsibility and power, and the guilt associated with a misuse of such.  The speaker is fearless in confronting this dragon.  She does not try to justify what she did, or paper over unpleasant details.  What particularly moved me was the section where she describes the kitten's delicate, vulnerable features.  Because this section is placed after we know that she abandoned the kitten, it takes on extra poignancy.  It was a helpless beautiful thing to whom she did a terrible thing, and she's not afraid to let her readers know that excruciating fact.  I also think she may have used the kitten as a symbol for the way she felt in relation to her parents, but I could be reading too far into it.

"Landlines" seemed a little less coherent to me, but still very powerful.  It explores the themes of budding sexuality and violation, and the subtle feelings of guilt both can awaken.  Although it is not explicitly stated, I do get the sense that the speaker feels as if her indulgence of Stevie's prank calls led to her harassment.  Yes, Stevie is the one in the wrong, the one sexually harassing a young girl, but the speaker feels as if she has invited it.  From what I have seen on TV programs and read, that is often a common reaction to such a violation.  The author of "Landlines" also faces a dragon of fear and trauma.  It is obvious to the reader that these events terrified her and left a scar on her adolescence, but the author rips open those old wounds for her readers with stunning bravery.

"Carolina/Tennessee" is different from the other stories because it deals with the guilt related to decisions and actions taken as an adult, when society tends to think people should know better.  The other stories deal with childhood and adolescence, and for that reason readers may be more lenient with their judgment.  Everyone did stupid or regrettable things as a child.  The author of "Carolina/Tennessee" faces not only her own dragon of guilt over the affair, but the dragon of public rejection and embarrassment.  To boldly put such a story on display to the whole reading community is an action worthy of respect.        

essay 3 workshop

You don’t appreciate your home until you go somewhere completely foreign. Literally, foreign. Italy was one of the best trips of my life; I’d go back in a heartbeat, but a difficult language, a different culture, can be extremely overwhelming. Staying with my aunt in the northern town known as Trieste, was a great experience. I got to learn what it’s like living in an Italian household and learned about where my family came from. Of course the food was one for the books.

Everyday we did something different, whether we went to the beach, which was man made and concrete, or a castle of park.I surprisingly fit right in with my blonde hair and green eyes. Since my family lives so up north, the fairer complexion and light hair was common. Until I spoke, I was just another person. Once I spoke though, I was treated completely different. They either tried to scam me because I was American or they were rude. When shopping one day I actually had a sales lady roll her eyes at me trying to speak italian. I understand it was more difficult for me to fit in because we weren't in a tourist area. But with a grandmother who spoke both English and Italian at the same time and an aunt who didn't speak English at all, it was lonely at some points.

One a beautiful day we went to go visit the local castle, Castello Miramare.Yeah, you heard me right, the local castle. I’ve always seen pictures growing up and now i was actually going. I couldn't contain my excitement and next to the castle was an old and beautiful church where the pictures do not do it justice. As we dressed for the hot summer day, I didn’t think twice that wearing shorts would be an issue. I wanted to be comfortable in the 85 degree weather.

The castle was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It was pearl white and had the old rustic look and feel. The gardens were my favorite. I've never seen such vibrant colors, even the trees and grass were the most perfect colors. The castle was also along the crystal blue ocean. It started out a great day. The communication barriers did not matter between me and my aunt and no one cared that I was American. The church was our next stop and I was even more excited.

The church was done past the castle, still along the ocean. The Trieste Cathedral was something I grew dreaming about going too. This was my grandparent’s church, and despite being built in the 6th century, it was still breathtaking. It had high ceils covered in paintings and large ancient chandeliers. large pillars lined the aisles and you could just stare for hours looking at each tiny detail it took to make this church as beautiful as it was.  

essay 2 workshop

Chrissy Dente

CNF Essay 2

            Some people are lucky to live with the best parents in the world; I was lucky enough to live with the best grandmother in the world. Mom-mom was my right hand lady, we were always buddies; I was her babe. She moved in when I was in second grade and my home was not complete without her. She wore the typical grandma sweaters, with kittens and holiday themes and even in her 70’s, she still didn’t have her ears pierced. But I’ll be dammed if you ever saw her not wearing clip on earrings, and ill be damned if you ever heard her complain that they hurt.

            Mom-mom was a widow. My grandfather died before I was even born, and she moved in so we could all take care of each other. She watched us kids while my mom worked, and my mom cooked, cleaned, and did her laundry for her. It was a team effort. She always had her hair and make up done. Her hairdressers even came to the funeral, that’s how much time she spent at the beauty salon. Her frosted blonde hair was always curled and puffy, with lots of hairspray. She was sassy and loved her Dr. Phil. God; she never missed an episode. I can hear her now saying, “I cant believe these people,” as she listened to their stories. It amazes me how much I miss her.

            When I was younger, she would come tuck me in and sit on the end of my bed. She would sit for a while, watch some TV with me and sometimes it would bother me so much because I couldn’t move my legs around to get comfortable. I also knew that she made sure I would go to sleep and not read or watch more TV.  Before she would leave she would stand up, pat my back and slowly walk out. She had a hip replacement and walking was difficult for her. As much as it bothered my 11-year-old self, I’d do anything to have her sit on the end of my bed one more time and watch her slowly and carefully walk out.

            After she passed away, I realized how much I missed seeing her white Buick waiting to pick me up from school. Ever since second grade, she picked me up from school. From elementary school, to middle school, to even freshmen year of high school, you can bet Mom-mom would be waiting her in car, with a newspaper and a snack, at least thirty minutes before I was let out of school. She was easily the first one there everyday. I would get so embarrassed though because she would drive so slowly. Even the crossing guards would be annoyed because of how slowly she would drive. Years ago, I went to the doctors with her. We were on the Black Horse Pike, a fast road, and she was going 35 MPH. I was so stressed. Cars were honking and passing and even at 13 or 14, I knew she needed to go faster before she killed us. I finally said, “Mom-mom you have to go faster!” She got so sassy she yelled, “Do you want to drive?!” I couldn’t help but laugh. She always got offensive over the littlest things. Still this day I can still giggle about that story, despite the stressful driving situation.

            Mom-mom spent all day home alone as my parents worked and my sister and I went to school. She was lonely and my pet dog, Cody, who was a Jack Russell Terrier, became her best friend. Cody turned into “Chody” because he was overweight from all the snacks he shared with Mom-mom. They would sit on the couch together, with Dr. Phil on of course, and they would share crackers, cheese, and the occasional Oreo. As I got older and no longer needed rides home from school or cheerleading, she and Cody would wait by the door. I couldn’t turn the key in the hole without hearing “Hi Chris!” within a matter of seconds. After a long day, it became exhausting to hear that and get bombarded with questions as soon as you walked in.  As exhausting as it was then, I would love to see her waiting there and answer all her questions she had ready to ask.

            She loved me more than anything; I loved her too, of course. But like we all know, as we get older, we become too busy for family and are too focused on friends, school, and sports. The summer before Mom-mom passed I was lucky enough to go to Italy to visit family with my other grandmother. Since the day I landed back home all Mom-mom wanted to see were the pictures from Italy; she died in December and she never saw the pictures.

            If I could go back to my sixteen-year-old self, I’d smack myself. All Mom-mom wanted was to see the pictures from my trip but I was always “too busy.” Seeing those pictures probably would have made Mom-mom a lot happier. At this moment in her life, she was suffering from severe depression. Her and her significant other separated after 10 years, my mom, her daughter, was just diagnosed with breast cancer, and Mom-mom felt like a burden to everyone, even though she was not even close to being one. As the depression continued, Mom-mom started to let go. She started to lose it and her loneliness showed. I was still a sixteen-year-old who went about her life, ignoring her fading grandmother. I was selfish; did I know better? Yes. Did I realize what I was doing? No. If it were today, Mom-mom would have seen the Italy pictures a hundred times. There would not be an ounce of attitude in my voice when I said “Hi Mom-mom” when she bombarded me at the door after school. If I could change anything in my life, it would be my final months with her.

            I know many people don’t see my situation as a big deal. So what, you didn’t show your grand mom pictures from your trip. The situation was so much more than that. We went about our lives as Mom-mom sat in a depression. She started to forget to take her medicine and a month later she passed away in the hospital from heart failure. It was too late to save her. I’ve felt guilty ever since. If only I paid more attention and knocked off my teenager attitude. If only we all stopped our busy lives to give Mom-mom what she needed. Mom-mom knew I loved her more than anything, I know that, but I feel as though I let her down. I know it’s too late but if I could change it I would. I let her know that every night in my prayers.

Posted on Behalf of Merissa

As i'm getting further along in my writing I have noticed that now i'm thinking more about the quality of my writing and that is helping me to more confidence in writing a good story or essay. I noticed that regular writing has helped me to develop my ability to write critically and to have more structure in my writing. one of my weakness is not con

Blog 10

I've noticed that as a writer, my growth is in areas that were inconsistent, telling vs showing, and keeping my writing creative. My first paper lacked all of that and my second paper, in my opinion, compensated for it for the most part. I really learned what showing meant -- make the readers feel as if they are in the scene. Like reading a book, you want to be put in that alternate universe. I'm starting to really understand that concept and I think that's showing at least a little throughout my writing.
There are still plenty of places for me to grow though since I'm new to creative non fiction writing... some ways in which I will learn about the more I write.

Blog 9

As much as I liked the 4 people group my workshop was initially, I really appreciated the whole class being in on your constructive criticism. I had a lot of helpful opinions as well as compliments that my piece was very different, interesting and relatable. It gave me a lot of confidence that my writing is heading in better directions. Again, it was helpful hearing other people's feedbacks towards each others work. Like I've said, I'm not good at giving constructive criticism. For the most part, I feel my writing is at the same level as my classmates so it's not easy for me to pick at their writing and give them areas that could use improvement. However, listening to everybody else's input towards others gave me ideas that could help me grow as a writer as well and I think will help me for future peer reviews. I've learned that I need to continue working on my showing rather than constantly telling. I could not do showing for some parts so I was told to just not include those certain parts or else the consistency of my paper would be thrown off. Overall, the workshopping was really effective.

#10

Coming into the curse I wasn't aware of what Creative Nonfiction was. I thought it was an academic paper written creatively. Now that I have learned about CNF I enjoy writing it. I still prefer fiction papers but CNF is my second favorite. I like that CNF is based on true events but written in a way to keep the readers attention. Its used in different forms, for instance blogs and journalism but is all the same. I'm walking away from this class with a new understanding of writing. I've learned how to show more and tell less and use details to make my writing stronger. I Feel that I still need to grow on  my thinking process. It's hard for me to think of topics to write about because I'm so use to being told what to write. I feel with practice I can over come this obstacle.

blog #10

I have definitely improved in writing CNF since the beginning of this course especially with opening up about my life. I have learned how to open up about the right things that will move a story along, rather then just putting all my thought on paper as if it were a diary. I have also learned that using your own way of describing a situation rather then using cliche words or phrases, really makes the story your own. I have learned the importance of explaining a moment with specifics because not doing so will not allow the reader to feel that moment just as you did and it will be nothing more than words on a paper for them. I see that in my drafts I am vague. However, I am now able to recognize this and fix it. I am now working on making the ordinary into extraordinary by trying to relate those specific moments to a bigger picture or idea.

Blog #10

Throughout this course, I definitely have grown as a writer. I am more open to different writing styles and opening up about different stories. I'm used to writing academic papers, which is comfortable for me because its either right or wrong. Opening up about real life experiences was a challenge for me and I have definitely become more comfortable. Where I need to grow is how I approach telling my stories. I wish to be more creative in my writing styles and be more confident in my writing. It's definitely improved since the beginning of the semester and I hope to continue growing.

Blog 10

During this course, I have learned a lot about Creative Non-Fiction, and I have corrected a lot of my personal misconceptions.  I came into the class thinking that creative non-fiction included all of the science and medical history books that I enjoy reading during my leisure time.  Now, after having read solid examples of CNF from both my classmates and professional authors, I can see that some of these science books are not CNF, although some are.  I also thought that I could come in here and bang out some glorified research papers with a couple pretty words and metaphors thrown in; in fact, I was looking forward to it.  It made me realize that my own amassing and expression of strange nature knowledge was just another mode of avoidance/escape, similar to my fiction writing.  I feel that my skill for writing fiction evolved out of a necessity for ignoring or altering my own reality.   After talking with a friend and fellow writer who is just awesome with CNF, I learned that I had to be more sincere and vulnerable with my CNF essays in order to be successful.  I took her advice in my second essay and was met with a great response.  It was not easy, though.  I hate "facing the dragon" of my mother's death and my true feelings about many other topics, including how vicious my inner critic can be.  I see now, though, that sincerity is the element that links all great personal essays together.  I still feel that I need to work on "looking directly into the sun," though.  It goes against every one of my gut feelings about writing.

Another element of CNF with which I feel I have improved is form and structure.  I have learned the proper implementation of the segmented essay structure, and by emulating some of my favorite Latin American authors, I was able to find fun, effective forms for the segments.  For example, the first segment in my second essay uses a technique gleaned from Gabriel García Márquez’s short story, "Dialogue with the Mirror," and the cyclical form of the first segment in my third essay borrows a technique from Julio Cortázar’s "Continuity of the Parks."  The fun and excitement of using these techniques made dealing with my emotions much easier.
   
 

Blog #9

I think the workshop went really well. We combined groups, so we worked with people we were not used to working with. It was still comfortable and I believe the feedback that was given was extremely beneficial. I typically like working with the same people, but the change was nice. It was nice to have others read your work who haven't before. They can provide different feedback and different ideas about your writing. I think the accidental switch up was effective and I enjoyed working with different people. Maybe it is time to workshop with different partners.

3rd Workshop Blog

During Thursday's workshopping session, we spent a lot of time on mine and Cheryl's essays.  Many people, including me, agreed that she had made wonderful use of the 2nd person to bring readers right into her descriptions.  She also chose a wide variety of alone-time activities to write about, which allowed many people to relate with her essay.  My essay was met with a positive response as well, which greatly encouraged me.  I was afraid that the experimental form and video-game-specific terms would make it difficult for people to read, but everyone seemed to understand and enjoy it.  We also spent a little bit of time discussing ideas for our third essays.  I liked that we all met in one large group this time.  It made things a lot more fun, and allowed me to get to know better some classmates that I've rarely had the opportunity to work with.  

Blog #8

As a CNF writer, I believe I struggle with repetition. I often find myself repeating the same ideas throughout all of my paper. Also, I believe that since it is nonfiction, I have a hard time opening up. I will explain something but will not go into the detail that the story needs because I am more of a closed off person. It is a struggle being a closed off person in CNF, because you need to open up about real life experiences, but I am working through it. I believe my strengths lay within my details. I am write good details and examples. I can describe moments exactly how they were. I also write about things that are relatable making my writing easier for others to read and enjoy since it is more laid back.

Rough Draft

This isn't my normal essay.. I tried something new and I don't quite know how I feel about it! :

Ahhh, “you time.”  Some dread it, others indulge in it. Some consider it confinement, others consider it a very pleasant solitude. I’m one to consider it the latter. There are just so many things you can do to fill up the (probably) limited time you have by your lonesome.

Pick up a book. Try to cook something. Nap! Watch the television shows/movies you want. Write in a diary. Take a bike ride or go for a walk! Clean. Draw. Listen to music!  Lay in bed all day and evaluate your life! The last sounds a bit treacherous though..

If you live with someone, it’s a time that it’s not expected of you to listen to stories or respond to questions.  Silence just fills the air. It’s a time that no matter what you say aloud or do, nobody will see you to potentially judge you.

Have you ever just sat on a cozy chair next to the window and stared out of it, pondering life? Then wind up getting into that really nice stare where your eyes begin to zoom out? Then somebody you’re with either calls you out on it as if you didn’t mean to stare off. Or they will just break your peaceful concentration on the nothingness outside by asking you a question or making a remark. Either way causing you to lose that peaceful concentration. Sometimes it’s just nice to have that “nothing stopping me” feel.

How about when you’re listening to music with headphones and your friend wants to keep talking to you? Then you have to either pause the music, mute it, or constantly take a headphone out. Sometimes it’s nice to just listen to songs straight through and allow your thoughts to trail off. Sometimes listening to the right songs will inspire you to get something done that you wouldn’t otherwise do if you had the distraction of a friend around.

It’s quite nice, if you ask me, to sit down with a warm blanket, tea and your favorite book. The joy of reading is putting and inventing yourself in another world. You forget your own surroundings and you feel like you’re in this alternate universe. Your mind becomes filled with scenes from the story. But it’s not quite the same when your best friend, significant other, or family member interrupts it with questions or favors: Can you read this text for me? What shirt looks better with these pants? Which filter should I use for this picture?

You become engrossed in the story, then you’re taken away from it. Then you’re back in temporarily, then back out. Kind of loses the excitement of reading when you’re in and out of the story.

My personal pet peeve is when you are attempting to nap. Your friends/family come and go, chatter grows amongst each other, make a sound with every object in the room, laugh. You fall in and out of sleep as the noise stops and then continues again.  Or you’re just completely resting with your eyes shut but unable to fall into the oblivion you were hoping for.

If you’re an artsy person and you’re trying to make some sort of drawing or painting, or whatever art may catch your attention at the time, it takes the sincerity out of it when your thoughts are interrupted. To draw is sometimes a very thought out thing, however other times it’s just a quick thing that spurted in your mind. When it’s a very thought out thing, people tend to need their space and quiet or particular music to be on. This hobby can be very difficult to pursue in if you’re not one to ever get the alone time needed for it.

You know when you’ve been waiting several weeks for your favorite show to start up again, then when it does, the people you live with or just choosing to watch it with talk through the whole thing? It’s honestly the worst. You want to hear every word out of your favorite actress’ mouth. You want to be taken out of your current world and into your favorite show with all the good drama and great looking actors. What good is doing so when when someone’s talking in the background, or talking to you when you’re trying to watch this show?

Essay #2

I wrote this last week and I thought it was great. Then I came back to it today and I thought it was horrible haha. This is what I have so far can't wait to hear feedback.

Monogamy. It’s what we’re supposed to do. Isn’t it? I mean as children we grow up playing “house”, with a mommy and a daddy, and we imagine that we're married. We go to our imaginary jobs, and we return to our loving families. We play these games as children because it’s pretty much all that we know. It’s instilled in our brains that this is what life is about, and this is what we are to look forward to when we become adults. We grow up imagining our dream wedding. We draw the wedding dress, the bouquet of flowers, and of course our best friend in her bridesmaids dress.

            I’m not sure that I ever thought there was an option where I did not have to get married, as I was growing up. I saw my parents, my aunts, uncles, and my grand parents, all married. Of course, there were the occasional references “ When you grow up and have a husband and family of your own...” What’s a little girl to think? Finding your soul mate, getting married, and having that one person that you will love and be with for the rest of your life, is what most of us long for. It’s actually the most important thing in our life. Its what most people see as an “I made it” moment. That moment when you say “I do”. It’s that moment, that’s supposed to make everything fall into place.  Wow. That seems like a lot of expectations to me.

            I cannot say that I do not believe in love, but I do believe that monogamy does not secure love. The idea is, that if you love somebody, romantically that is, and you believe they are your soulmate, you will marry them. Haven’t you heard “you say you love me but why haven’t you asked me to marry you”. It is what’s expected. It is how people relate being in love.  In my eyes, they are two different things.

            And whats the deal with soul mates? One person out there for you. Your missing puzzle peace. Someone your meant to be with for the rest of your life. Someone you will never grow apart from. Fairytale? I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a fairytail idea, because, well it is very much possible . It’s the idea that there is only one person out there for you, who is your soul mate and whom you are meant to be with forever, it’s that idea that gets me. I mean, how could someone be lead to believe that there are seven billion people on this earth but there is only one person they perfectly relate to, get along with, love, admire, cherish, etc. and are destined to be with for the rest of their life.

Ya know those relationships, where, you completely click with a person? Romantically or not. Most of the time, this person is a lot like you, or compliments you very well. Much of the time we find these characteristics in our best friend. However, who is to say that you cannot click the same way with someone across the world, who has characteristics which you admire in your best friend, except the difference is that you never met. This imaginary person across the world which I just made up, could also be your best friend. Same with a romance.

I have this idea that you decide who your soul mate is. You like someone. You don’t know why, there is just something about their ora that you admire. You like the way they walk, and the way they talk, and the way they laugh. And then you begin to truly know them. You like what they handle situations, and how they are patient with you, and how they make you feel happy and loved without trying. You spend everyday with them but its never a struggle to have a conversation. You’re in a tough situation and they are who you think about. And that’s when they become your soul mate. There are many people out there that hold all of these characteristics. There are people out there that can make you feel this exact way. The difference is that you already found yours. You already spent sleepless nights talking and pouring out your heart, you already feel their pain as if it were their own, you already know their biggest fears which you want to protect them from. It is after all of this that you have decided they are your soul mate and you are done searching. Maybe, if you had met that person out there which I mentioned earlier, you know, the one with the same characteristics, the one that I made up, and you took the time to know their fears, and pour your heart out, and feel their pain, then maybe that person could have turned out to be your soul mate. But not anymore. You have already decided who your soul mate is. You love that person, but you love them because of the person they are, and the relationship that you have built with them.

I remember two years ago, I had a conversation with my dad about how I wanted a sports car. I wanted that Infinity G37 and no one was going to change my mind. My dad didn’t want to buy me that car because it is a coupe, which makes it dangerous for the people in the backseat in case of a crash. It is also rear wheel drive, and horrible in bad weather conditions. I did not care because all that concerned me was how cool it looked. I got the car. Two years of maturity later, I am no longer concerned about how my car looks, but I am most definitely concerned about my safety. What does this tell me besides that I need to make better decisions? It tells me that people change and so do their values.

What I am looking for today may not be what I am looking for tomorrow. People grow and people change. They may grow apart or they may grow closer together. I do not know what direction my relationship will take, but there is one thing I am sure of. Monogamy will not determine whether I stay or fall out of love. It is the time and patience that you have with the other person that will keep your love strong. It is not the piece of paper which you sign that determines your love and it is not you mimicking the pastors words “Together till death do us apart” that keeps your soul mate today, your soul mate forever.

            

essay 2

Some people are lucky to live with the best parents in the world; I was lucky enough to live with the best grandmother in the world. Mom-mom was my right hand lady, we were always buddies; I was her babe. She moved in when I was in second grade and my home was not complete without her. She wore the typical grandma sweaters, with kittens and holiday themes and even in her 70’s, she still didn’t have her ears pierced. But I’ll be dammed if you ever saw her not wearing clip on earrings, and ill be damned if you ever heard her complain that they hurt.

            Mom-mom was a widow. My grandfather died before I was even born, and she moved in so we could all take care of each other. She watched us kids while my mom worked, and my mom cooked, cleaned, and did her laundry for her. It was a team effort. She always had her hair and make up done. Her hairdressers even came to the funeral, that’s how much time she spent at the beauty salon. She was sassy and loved her Dr. Phil. God, it amazes me how much I miss her.

            When I was younger, she would come tuck me in and sit on the end of my bed. She would sit for a while, watch some TV with me and sometimes it would bother me so much because I couldn’t move my legs around to get comfortable. I also knew that she made sure I would go to sleep and not read or watch more TV. As much as it bothered my 11-year-old self, I’d do anything to have her sit on the end of my bed one more time.

This is all I have so far! Hope you like it.  

This is only a paragraph for my second essay and its on me of course.

Who am I to you? Who do I seem to myself? What do others perceive of me? What do I give off? The biggest question in this essay is how I look in another person's eyes. To my mother I can seem like this perfect princess, to my friends I can be this loud, annoying, outspoken person, and to my boyfriend I can be this reserved, shy, affectionate person. We change how we are in many ways with different people. Not that its being phoney or fake but in reality your professor is not going to act in class how she would act at the bar with her childhood friends. So then I ask who am I? Am I the girl who is everything described above all together or am I someone totally different in my mind than I come off to be? This paper will be full of unanswered yet somewhat justified questions about myself.

Essay 2 Rough Draft for Workshop

SkyWaltz’s heart pounded in her chest like a pair of Yagudo beastman drums.  (And so did mine as I shifted my weight in the desk chair.)  She had trained for this moment for weeks (a couple evenings at the keyboard).  She had researched strategies and consulted fellow adventurers (through online forums and an in-game chat system that showed up in shades of purple).  Well-fed with potatoes and crab meat (which boosted her health and defense points), she approached the vortex that would send her to battle with the stony god-beast (Titan Prime, level 25, six levels above SkyWaltz).  Faced with the possibility of her imminent death (and a loss of hard-earned experience points), SkyWaltz reflected on her life. 

Since she had left her hometown of Windurst, SkyWaltz’s home had been a single, unfurnished room in Bastok’s residential district (I always thought the decorating feature was a waste of time and in-game currency).  That suited her just fine because the people who had made her house a home were not there beside her (my mother had passed away from colon cancer two years earlier, in the summer of eighth grade).  But Vana’diel’s brave adventurers were defined by their ability to leave everything from their old lives behind.  Their calling was to explore the wilds; they had no need for nostalgia or grief. 

Because her home was so sparse, however, sometimes SkyWaltz would spend all night in the seaside town of Selbina watching the ships come to harbor (after my dad had gone to bed the computer was all mine).  There, she would eat a dinner of fish drenched in sweet butter (frozen Lean Cuisine meals because neither my dad nor I could cook) and drown out her worries with the sound of local folk melodies (the background noise of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim on the TV).  Sometimes friends would join her (my e-friends and I discussed the deepest things late at night, things I’d never tell my real-life friends at high school).

The only friend at SkyWaltz’s side right now was the benevolent vulpine avatar, Carbuncle, who had first taught her the ways of the Summoner.  The ruby on Carbuncle’s forehead reflected the anxiety of SkyWaltz’s face, the sweat dampening her dark-blue hair.  It was time to face the Titan of Earth, time for the young Taru-Taru to claim dominance over the ethereal giant that shook mountains with its fists.  (“Dad!  Can you get the phone?  I’m in the middle of something!”)  One leap into the void and the fight had begun…

*****

A lot of my family still likes to castigate me for the years I spent addicted to a massively-multiplayer online role-playing game called “Final Fantasy XI Online.”  They say I missed out on so much because I would rush home to play on the computer instead of going out.  I had no life because I was living vicariously through a computer-generated creature with blue hair, a dog-like nose, and pointed ears.  They don’t realize how much that silly game meant to me; they don’t realize that SkyWaltz may very well have saved my life.  Yes, escapism isn’t the healthiest answer to grief, and I know I missed out on things, but none of my relatives was a thirteen-year-old girl without a mother at the time in her life when female guidance matters most.  I turned to a virtual world where I could gain in order to help me cope with the fact that this world was so full of loss.  Who knows what I would have done without such a resource? 

Call it denial, or shock, or an anomaly of bereavement, but I cried more when, after four years of adventuring, my dad finally forced me to delete SkyWaltz than I had at my mother’s funeral.  

Blog 7

I think my next essay will be about alone time. I'm not entirely what category of CNF that falls under, but I think it's something I could really expand on. When youre with your friends and family, there's always something to do or talk about for the most part so you don't get entirely too much time to yourself. You tend to even lose the desire to have any alone time. However when you're alone, putting technology aside, it really gives you time to reflect about yourself and life. You can get a lot done that you wouldn't otherwise do if people were around. So despite how much I love being around family and friends, I do think it's really important to allow yourself some time by yourself. I've already come up with a page even though it's structured a little differently then most papers so it came out a little easily to a page. Hopefully I can continue without getting repetitive and boring.

For blog number two I think I would write another personal essay. I think my focus would be on me and "who I think I am" I will be in the center of this essay. I was very intrigued by the paper with all the ideas for stories that professor introduced us too. I think writing about myself would be great not because I don't care about others but I want people to understand me so that I can be understood from the eyes of others. I believe who I am in public, private, and in my mind are all three different people. Not that I have a multiple personality disorder but because I believe what I give off to people is not always who I am or who I am trying to portray inside my mind. I love personal essays it gives me a chance to speak through my writings that I will probably never express by voice.

Blog #7

For my second essay, I will probably do another personal essay. I want to focus it around an incident in my past that I would want to relive and do differently. When I read this topic idea, I immediately thought of my grandmother. If I could change things that I did before she passed away I would. I feel like this would be one of my longer essays. To sit down and write about a moment you would want to change in your past is overwhelming, but I feel that I could compose a great piece because I know what I would want to focus on. I feel that this also stuck out to me because when I think about changing something, I always think about my last months with her. Hopefully, I can compose my thoughts, emotions, and ideas into a piece that answers the topic statement, giving me a strong and longer personal essay.

Blog 6

I really enjoyed the writing workshop! I felt very comfortable sharing my writing. Everyone was very supportive and encouraging. I got great feed back on my paper. At first I was very confused if my essay made sense or if it flowed becasue I had so much going on in the paper. By the end of the workshop I was not confused anymore, everyone was able to give me a postive comment and also something I can improve on. My classmates told me my essay made sense and it was good so far but that i should break everything down a bit more and I should give more detail about each expereince I was talking about in the essay. We also agreed that if we had any questions or needed more peer reviewing we could email our essays to eachother and give eachother some feed back. Over all it was time very well spent, I thought it was very productive and helpful.

Blog #6

I really enjoyed the workshop; I received great feedback and ideas on how to improve my paper. The feedback I received was positive and the advice I was given will definitely improve my essay. The group consensus determined that I needed to tie the ideas in my final paragraph into the beginning parts so that the story made better sense. Dr. Inskeep also provided me with good feedback, catching cliche phrases and helping me tell my story in different points of view and person so the affect of the moment I am describing is more effective. I will definitely be using al the comments everyone provided me and improving my paper. For my feedback that provided to my fellow classmates, I think helping them separate ideas and helping the structure flow better was the most useful feedback I provided. Also, helping them find better endings to wrap up there story was also another critique that I suggested.

Blog 6

Workshopping was overall a good experience.  We were able to discuss each group member's draft and share opinions and suggestions.  The feedback from my group that I found most useful involved the beginning and end of my draft.  My group felt that my opening sentence, also its own paragraph, served as a very effective hook.  They pointed out to me, however, that my ending lacked the same "oomph."  They suggested closing with another powerful sentence similar to the opening.  I found this suggestion very useful and I have been trying to think of the proper sentence to serve this purpose.  As far as the feedback I offered, it is more difficult to judge what might have been the "best."  One suggestion that I offered to Chrissy seemed to have been well-received.  I suggested mentioning or alluding to the "home" theme that concluded her essay at another point closer to the beginning.  She and I discussed this, and she seemed to believe it was a good idea too.  I have a lot of work to do overhauling my draft based on comments from the professor and my group, but I am very grateful for the opportunity to have received feedback.  It's very valuable and interesting to see how other people react to something I have written.

Blog 6

I really appreciated the working in groups. I'm personally not very good at dissecting papers and finding things to improve within them. However, watching my group give each other feedback and myself helping as much as I could, I saw ways that even really good writers have room for improving.
For my paper, I was fortunate to receive mostly good feedback with the occasional comment that I could use a tad more imagery, which I figured. The good feedback worked constructively as well though. My group all agreed that my paper was very inspiring and drew them in which I was very happy to hear. That encouraged me to continue with the style I was going with which I was a little doubtful with prior to this.

blog #6 workshopping

Working in groups definitely helped in giving me some ideas towards my essay. One great comment I got was to use what I see and turn it into a memory so that it flows and transitions better. For example if I see a cloud that looks like a book I can then go ahead and talk about all the homework I'm stressing about. Another great comment I received was to keep the facts about Overpeck park. I had mixed feelings about keeping the facts in the essay because I though it did not flow. My group said that it was interesting to see how Overpeck park made me feel first then get an actual idea of what it looks like and its location. I also got to read my groups essays and provide some feedback on that. I thought that the beginning of Katherine's essay was very effective in keeping the reader engaged and wanting to read more. I also thought that Taylor's way of splitting up the four types of love and then using the name of each one as the "character's" name was very clever. Seeing the way that everyones writing was different also made me comfortable in my own writing because there is no "correct way" to do the assignment. I kept wondering if I was writing the correct way but seeing that everyone had a different style made me more confident in my own writing. I had an overall good experience workshopping.

Blog #6

I found working in groups to be both helpful and fun. It helped to hear what my group thought about my work and get their feedback. I also enjoyed reading their work and getting pointers and ideas. The best feedback I received was to structure my writing in time order. I agreed and feel that this will help my readers get a better feeling and understand of my writing.

Rough Draft. Group 1

Have Less, Do More, Be More

I guess when you believe in caring excessively for our planet, wanting to tend to every sad soul, and disregarding most people’s judgments, your friends and family begin to refer to you as a quirky, compassionate, free-spirited hippie. 

Since I was just a youngster, looking after the environment was critical to me. I always saw it as, we’re living on this planet and if we take care of it, it’ll take care of us. To this day, I always try (to convince others as well) to use as few plastic products as possible, not take unnecessarily long or frequent showers, and conserve energy and gas. It would also really hurt to witness trees getting cut down knowing they keep us safe during floods and provide us with oxygen.  These things all meant and still mean so much to me. This opened many more doors in my life as I grew older. It became much more then just looking after the environment. I began realizing we live in such a corrupted world where, unless we look really hard and have a lot of money, are pretty much forced to eat all these artificial foods and drinks. We’re also given a life layout: go to college, graduate, work off the loan, find your significant other if you haven’t already, marry, have children, work to provide for your family. Get all the technology for your family and sit around on it all day. Wear all the makeup, take “selfies,” and wear all brand name clothing. Too consumed with their own lives to care about others. When I noticed this pattern in everyone’s life and very few people genuinely very happy, I realized this isn’t something we have to follow. It’s just the conventions that society has given us and made it so that if you don’t follow it, you’re frowned upon. That’s when I realized I will live my life how I imagine myself happiest and help others do the same. As Ghandi once said, “In a gentle way you can shake the world.” 

Whenever my mother and I would go shopping when I was younger, I remember always being too grateful at the end towards the wrong person. At the register, I’d always say to the cashier, not my mother, “thank you so much, I appreciate it. Have a great day!” My mom would then look at me, laugh and tell me, “Great manners, little girl, but they weren’t the ones just paying for your things!” as she’d continue to laugh. I would laugh too, then realize she was right, she deserves to be thanked a bunch and be showered with hugs. However, that somehow didn’t stop me from still thanking the cashiers a little. When my mother noticed I was continuing to thank the cashiers, she explained how she thinks it’s very sweet, but didn’t understand why I felt the need to constantly be so thankful every time. I didn’t really know how to answer at first because I didn’t really know why either. I just felt the need to thank everybody. Then finally an answer came out of me that I didn’t expect or even mean to say, but I really liked it and learned a lot about myself! I answered her with, “because while we’re the ones buying, they are the ones working. They can’t be too happy about that so why not let them know what they’re doing is appreciated and spread some happiness in their day.” My mom responded with a simple nod and face expression of approval, impressed. I noticed a change in attitude with her whenever we went shopping together after that. At registers, she would start making more conversation and making the cashiers laugh. I realized she was spreading joy in her own way and I was grateful to have influenced her to do so. I thought, if I continue to act this way around other people, maybe it’ll rub off a little. Not only would I be making someone else’s day a little brighter, but it’d be causing other people to maybe follow my lead. I soon found the quote in a magazine, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I thought the idea of having one person causing drastic changes was a little ridiculous, but I taped it to my wall as it was inspiring. It eventually became something I could live by. 

Ever since smartphones became very in demand, it was all people would engross themselves with. How could you not? There’s Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr… you name on it, it’s on there! I got caught up with all of it, too. However, I realized my life was beginning to revolve around it and it was causing me to feel isolated. I thought, “it can’t be only be feeling this way..” That’s when I gradually started cutting out technology from my life. I removed myself from Facebook, my biggest addiction. I forbid myself to get Netflix, and a limited amount of applications on my phone. We all know that’s not an easy task to do. Though doing so left me with so little to do with my time which brought me to the idea that during this time, I can go outside and enjoy nature, read, go on adventures, and build a closer relationship with those around me. Just overall do more productive things with my time and life. I saw that if I did not actually have these technologies that we’re so “privileged to have,” we could all make more of ourselves. “Have Less, Do More, Be More,” my favorite quote states.

Taylor Johnson

Rough Draft

2/19/15

“an intense feeling of deep affection.” –Love

Agape

“This is an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of their flaws, shortcomings or faults. It’s the type of love that everyone strives to have for their fellow human beings. Although you may not like someone, you decide to love them just as a human being. This kind of love is all about sacrifice as well as giving and expecting nothing in return. The translation of the word agape is love in the verb – form: it is the love demonstrated by your behavior towards another person. It is a committed and chosen love.”

My heart has no room for heartache and hurt for the most part I am filled with joy. Most of the time it smiles for it has 4 different ways to love. Without love where would we be as people? Love overpowers any emotion ever, if you love someone you can never stop loving that person maybe you will dislike them but never stop loving them just for being a human. I disliked Agape but I loved him unconditionally for he was always there when I needed him in times of sorrow and my happiness. My greatest moments werent complete if you were by my side. Its been years and although we had our perfect times of happiness the bad outweighed the good. But because of the person you were I loved you. Still till this day I can write these words about you unconditional love is what Agape brought for me. You were a apart of the family at every reunion, funeral, wedding, and gathering we had you were right by my side. I never though that years down the line you wouldn’t be here anymore. I demonstrate my love to you in so many ways, through my actions, words, and writings you are always apart of. Although you are not around anymore my love for you has never changed, lessened, or waivered for I will always unconditionally love my Agape.

Phileo

“The phileo love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It’s the kind of love which livens up the Agape love. Although you may have an agape love for your enemies, you may not have a phileo love for the same people. The translation of the word phileo is love in the noun – form: it is how you feel about someone. It is a committed and chosen love.”

I commit myself to you girls. My Phileo’s yes I have a couple, three to be exact although I just met you girls about 3 years ago I feel like we’ve known each other all of our lives. My Phileo’s inspire me to be a better me. A group of girls who help one another grow as young queens. Some of the greatest experiences have been with you girls and I am overwhelmed with joy that I chose Kean University to become friends with you ladies. We may not all be exactly alike but each and everyone of us bring something great to the table. Powerful, strong-headed, intellegent ladies are who I am happy I chose to roll with. Uplifting one another when we need it, laughing until our stomachs hurt, finding ways to make a better future for ourselves, and being there for one another. Our friendship will be everlasting I was blessed to meet you ladies and God took his time shaping each and every one of you guys to be able to match my liking in someone I can call a friend, my Phileo’s youre more than I ever imagined in a bunch of women.

Storge

“It is a kind of family and friendship love. This is the love that parents naturally feel for their children; the love that member of the family have for each other; or the love that friends feel for each other. In some cases, this friendship love may turn into a romantic relationship, and the couple in such a relationship becomes best friends. Storge love is unconditional, accepts flaws or faults and ultimately drives you to forgive. It’s committed, sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe.”

Storge my first love, you’ve watched me grow, we have built a bond I couldn’t ask for from any other man in this world. You showed me the ins and outs on parts of life, dealing with boys, and how to become a young women. I would never forget us catching the train to Jersey City almost ever weekend, races down the street, long phone conversations when I knew I couldn’t call anyone else but you. My storge was my main squeeze, the apple of my eye, my very first love. When I knew that I had no one else in my corner I could always run to you and whether I was right or wrong you always heard me out before telling me so. In your eyes I could do no wrong, you cured my every dissapointment and healed my heart from any heartache that came my way. You showed me a different type of love like no other. You accepted my flaws and all not only because you had to because you knew that I was still in the process of ultimately becoming a better me each day. You never judged me like the rest of the world, I felt secure, safe, and comfortable with you, you were always there for me and would go the extra mile just to make sure that I was always good. You never let me go without even when you didn’t have it. My Storge the best man I could ever imagine. I want my sons to be just like you because you were the good example of the best Storge there can be my natural love for you was inevidable but you were my rock and although you was taken from me three years ago you’ll forever be my first love and my Storge forever and always.

Eros

“Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; it is the kind that often triggers “high” feelings in a new relationship and makes you say, “I love him/her”. It is simply an emotional and sexual love. Although this romantic love is important in the beginning of a new relationship, it may not last unless it moves a notch higher because it focuses more on self instead of the other person. If the person “in love” does not feel good about their relationship anymore, they will stop loving their partner.”

“This just offers you a general understanding and description of the four types of love which promotes a good, healthy and progressive relationship. In any relationship, you should have all these four loves working together to enable it survive for a longer time. But in some cases, a relationship may be long-lasting if partners share the same style of love.”

You make my heart skip a beat. Eros the feelings that you bring me overjoy my souls with happiness that can never be explained. You keep me on a high that I could never get down from. My passion for you will never die, you make my heart skip a beat everytime I hear your voice, I cant help but smile when I see your face and my love for you is endless. I can not fathom the thought of ever losing you. I love you. Baby, youre perfect, perfect to me simply means that you are perfect for me. God answered my prayers with you. Although we have not met yet I just know I will not die without finally meeting my Eros. Forever and always I hope that we can finally meet.