Essay #2

I wrote this last week and I thought it was great. Then I came back to it today and I thought it was horrible haha. This is what I have so far can't wait to hear feedback.

Monogamy. It’s what we’re supposed to do. Isn’t it? I mean as children we grow up playing “house”, with a mommy and a daddy, and we imagine that we're married. We go to our imaginary jobs, and we return to our loving families. We play these games as children because it’s pretty much all that we know. It’s instilled in our brains that this is what life is about, and this is what we are to look forward to when we become adults. We grow up imagining our dream wedding. We draw the wedding dress, the bouquet of flowers, and of course our best friend in her bridesmaids dress.

            I’m not sure that I ever thought there was an option where I did not have to get married, as I was growing up. I saw my parents, my aunts, uncles, and my grand parents, all married. Of course, there were the occasional references “ When you grow up and have a husband and family of your own...” What’s a little girl to think? Finding your soul mate, getting married, and having that one person that you will love and be with for the rest of your life, is what most of us long for. It’s actually the most important thing in our life. Its what most people see as an “I made it” moment. That moment when you say “I do”. It’s that moment, that’s supposed to make everything fall into place.  Wow. That seems like a lot of expectations to me.

            I cannot say that I do not believe in love, but I do believe that monogamy does not secure love. The idea is, that if you love somebody, romantically that is, and you believe they are your soulmate, you will marry them. Haven’t you heard “you say you love me but why haven’t you asked me to marry you”. It is what’s expected. It is how people relate being in love.  In my eyes, they are two different things.

            And whats the deal with soul mates? One person out there for you. Your missing puzzle peace. Someone your meant to be with for the rest of your life. Someone you will never grow apart from. Fairytale? I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a fairytail idea, because, well it is very much possible . It’s the idea that there is only one person out there for you, who is your soul mate and whom you are meant to be with forever, it’s that idea that gets me. I mean, how could someone be lead to believe that there are seven billion people on this earth but there is only one person they perfectly relate to, get along with, love, admire, cherish, etc. and are destined to be with for the rest of their life.

Ya know those relationships, where, you completely click with a person? Romantically or not. Most of the time, this person is a lot like you, or compliments you very well. Much of the time we find these characteristics in our best friend. However, who is to say that you cannot click the same way with someone across the world, who has characteristics which you admire in your best friend, except the difference is that you never met. This imaginary person across the world which I just made up, could also be your best friend. Same with a romance.

I have this idea that you decide who your soul mate is. You like someone. You don’t know why, there is just something about their ora that you admire. You like the way they walk, and the way they talk, and the way they laugh. And then you begin to truly know them. You like what they handle situations, and how they are patient with you, and how they make you feel happy and loved without trying. You spend everyday with them but its never a struggle to have a conversation. You’re in a tough situation and they are who you think about. And that’s when they become your soul mate. There are many people out there that hold all of these characteristics. There are people out there that can make you feel this exact way. The difference is that you already found yours. You already spent sleepless nights talking and pouring out your heart, you already feel their pain as if it were their own, you already know their biggest fears which you want to protect them from. It is after all of this that you have decided they are your soul mate and you are done searching. Maybe, if you had met that person out there which I mentioned earlier, you know, the one with the same characteristics, the one that I made up, and you took the time to know their fears, and pour your heart out, and feel their pain, then maybe that person could have turned out to be your soul mate. But not anymore. You have already decided who your soul mate is. You love that person, but you love them because of the person they are, and the relationship that you have built with them.

I remember two years ago, I had a conversation with my dad about how I wanted a sports car. I wanted that Infinity G37 and no one was going to change my mind. My dad didn’t want to buy me that car because it is a coupe, which makes it dangerous for the people in the backseat in case of a crash. It is also rear wheel drive, and horrible in bad weather conditions. I did not care because all that concerned me was how cool it looked. I got the car. Two years of maturity later, I am no longer concerned about how my car looks, but I am most definitely concerned about my safety. What does this tell me besides that I need to make better decisions? It tells me that people change and so do their values.

What I am looking for today may not be what I am looking for tomorrow. People grow and people change. They may grow apart or they may grow closer together. I do not know what direction my relationship will take, but there is one thing I am sure of. Monogamy will not determine whether I stay or fall out of love. It is the time and patience that you have with the other person that will keep your love strong. It is not the piece of paper which you sign that determines your love and it is not you mimicking the pastors words “Together till death do us apart” that keeps your soul mate today, your soul mate forever.